Hi friends and welcome to my first TV recap. Now this isn’t your mama’s recap. This is half recap and half my stream of conscious commentary on the topic at hand. Of course I’m not the “Comments by Celebs” girls, so this isn’t an in depth moment by moment recap. It’s more like we’re sitting here watching the episode together. Except I watched so you don’t have to. And the moment you’ve been waiting for… The Kardashians Episode 1 Recap. (If you want to watch, you’ll find it on Hulu.)

I Watched The Kardashians On Hulu So You Don't Have To. Kardashians Episode 1 Recap
Photo Credit: Hulu via Variety.com

The Kardashians on Hulu. Season 1 Episode 1. Burn them all to the f*cking ground.

Ok they’re continuing with the drone thing from the preview. WOW we see Travis first?! Ok the architecture and views inside these homes is crazy. I kind of love that we’re getting this. Where is mason? We’ve only seen P and Reign at Kourts.

Khloe’s new house mid construction. The caption says “person” on the phone with khloe. They took Tristan’s name out of the captions! You can hear his voice and tell it’s him talking. 

Kendall with a sound bath saying she can’t make it. Typical.

Kylie cosmetics office!!!!

Kris/Corey. ok. The guys are being featured in this intro. I want to work at Kylie cosmetics.

Kylie “art directing” a shoot sitting from 8 feet from the monitor. ha…

Skims office. These table desks are a joke. There are literally just laptops on there. no monitor. no notebooks. literally a laptop per person. how do you even get any work done?! And the light is so warm/yellow/amber. How do you know what color anything is?

The pause shots they’re getting of each girl for their “title” card are not flattering.

Kim parks her car inside the garage door in the studio of skims office?! Weird.

LA views

Kim’s house. Someone is putting together a slide into a ball pit. Some kind of party? Kim: “I want that slide. not in that color.” The slide: white.

Kim’s intro – she looks gorge but is wearing those stupid Balmain glove sleeves. See the two daughters. Everyone is in black. Eating cupcakes. There’s one of the boys. Cleaning “makes kim horny” 

Kris arrives. Hideous outfit. And Corey. 

North takes gymnastics.

Kris wakes up at 4. Thinks 7a is “almost lunch time” and doesn’t understand people who don’t answer their phone at 7a. She is working out while calling people. 

Kylie’s here. Has a bump. Also in black. 6 mos along. Knows gender but not telling. Life and pregnancy are more public this time so they’re keeping this to themselves to be “special”. Kim thinks its a boy bc kylile is “skinnier and prettier this time”

Khloe enters. In white and jeans. Kris “I’m so happy Tristan is here”. Yikes. Gonna regret that one. They are “just friends”. True has such pretty hair. Khloe is super blonde. 

Someone is serving Kylie her food out of the warmer things. Fries and fried chicken. Kim gets her own. She’s “a vegan most of the time”. What is this bodysuit? Is it Skims? Her boobs look good. I want one of those bodysuits. 

The food is “a pregnant woman’s dream”. Looks like everything is fried.

Kourt and Travis. Kourt is in teeny leather boyshorts. She is in a lot of leather so far. Travis was her closest friend for 8 years. 

Kris: “This was a relationship no one saw coming.” Me: What? People have gossiped for years. Everyone else: “yeah… we saw this coming for years.”

They never stop making out.

Kim is wearing those stupid boot pants.

Kim and Khloe trying to interpret something possibly inappropriate from roblox. Oh. It’s something with Kim’s name and picture. Kim’s cry face on a pop up that says something about a new sex tape. Possibly unreleased footage of the old sex tape. “real embarrassing shit”. Ok, we’re cursing on Hulu.

Still at the same party.

Kendalls intro. “I had covid so I wasn’t at the party. But I’ll be here the rest of the season.” and then leaves. Ironic. 

Everyone sitting at a large table talking about shooting day 1. 

Kim announces she had lunch with Lorne Michaels and she’s hosting SNL. Kourt too busy making out to hear so they have to repeat the announcement. 

Kim: “Am I fulfilling my own dreams or someone else’s?” Girl, same. 

Kim decides if she wants kanye to be her musical guest or if she wants to do it on her own. They’re still mid-divorce. 

Back to talking about Kourt and Travis. He’s “feeling her sweat” and rubbing her butt. According to Kris their relationship sounds very codependent. 

No one invited scott. Kim forgot and Khloe didn’t think about it.

Oh there are now burgers and mac and cheese.

Kourt in more leather in a confessional. Setting the record straight about Scott. I gave Scott 7 years of post breakup friendship and 10 years before that. “Let’s just not hate on a girl who finally knows what she deserves”. Comes off as bitchy.

Kim and Khloe back to talking about feeling bad Scott got forgotten. Trying to figure out how Scott would know. Kim says I know how to find out… “Hey Reignie!” hahahahahahahha. They talk to Reign. Kim says “your dad is so tired there’s no need to tell him what we did today ok?” Hilarious and shady. Reign is being cute. Psalm or Saint (not sure which one) punches the camera lens. Kim laughs. Idk why I’m so annoyed by this.

Oooooh we’re at scotts now. Ok so that’s where Mason is. Wait. Is this entire episode just one single day?

Scott doesn’t look as good in his confessional as the girls did. 

Khloe is here. Is this Khloe’s old house? She said “I miss it here”. Or Kris’s old house? I feel like we’ve seen this kitchen before. Maybe not by the outside. 

Khloe acknowledges their relationship has had ups and downs and are now like brother sister but it is kind of flirty and “the whole thing is f*cking weird”. (They did bleep that one).

Scott says he’s changing his thoughts/feelings for Kourt for the first time now that she’s got Travis. It’s hard but now he can move on. Acknowledges if he wants to find someone serious it will have to be someone in their upper 20s. But probably not over 30. But maybe. 

Khloe brings up the BBQ at Kim’s house. Why? That’s just mean. Esp after telling Reign to not tell him. Said he knew a little because one of the kids told him and feeling left out and not told anything is super hurtful because he doesn’t have any other family. Khloe asks if he can handle being around Kourt and Travis. Scott says I’d rather be around them than not be around my family at all. Which is v mature in my opinion. 

Khloe: it was prob better you weren’t there because it was a small group and they were all over each other. 

Scott: “Everyone was always in my ear saying you’ll figure it out and get back together. So my foot was always halfway in the door. Now I’ve lost her romantically and as a best friend.” Now they’re just coparents. This is one of the more difficult things in his life. Acknowledges he did a lot wrong. 

Khloe offers to talk to kourtney about it. Scott says sure, I just want to be acknowledged. “Do I even mean anything to anyone?” Wow, that statement was really sad.

Kourts house. Why do they have so many bikes? I guess there are a lot of them with both families. Oh this is Travis’s studio? or house? Yes. Studio. They ride bikes around the studio. Kourt has juice there. It’s green. Oh looks like she brought it? Idk. He’s punching a punching bag. She’s standing at the wall in a 90’s strappy mini dress and Timberland boots just watching. So awkward.

Their first date (?) was when Travis asked her to watch a movie. He didn’t make a move. She made the first move because it was taking too long.

Travis plays drums with Penelope. butPp is just sitting there. oh! P can play! How cute! Travis calls Kourt baby or babe all the time. Constantly touching. They talk about the future a lot. Travis is going to use Kourtney’s butt as a drum someday and record it.

Back to Kim in the skims garage. SNL fitting. back to talking about the roblox sex tape issue. Needs to pick a musical guest. Could be cool for the kids to see mom and dad on SNL but could be more pressure and might want to do this on her own. Going to make Kris be a part of it. Kim: changes clothes. Me: hey! I have that bra! Kim told her whole fam they’re all fair game for SNL jokes. 

OMG she just called Debra Messing “a girl from Will and Grace”. Dead. Debra tweeted she didn’t know why Kim was hosting. Kim said lay off, I’m not here to tear women down. 

Voice note from chrissy teigen. 

Amy schumer helped write monologue. 

Kim: “this will be…. live.” ummmm yep.

Khloe at Tristan’s. Awkward hug. “Not exactly together”. See each other a couple times a week. No tension. Get along well. Easy to coparent. Khloe looks super skinny in this confessional. Barefoot Dreams blanket! Sounds like they’re in therapy. Tristan is determined to get them back together. Ok so they’re in therapy both together and separate. 

Khloe says she knows how to be a monster if she wants. He says but you haven’t and I appreciate that. She questions it. He says you haven’t burned my clothes or slashed my tires. She said i threw water on you and he says when and she says when i was 9 mos pregnant can you cheated on me. He said “yeah but waters just water”. She said “if I wasn’t pregnant I would have f*cked you up so… I just didn’t want to break my nails before delivery.”

I’m really disgusted by this whole part, especially knowing what happens next. Tristan “It’s 2021 ok let’s not talk about 20…. 18?” OMG! he doesn’t even know what year that all went down and the year their daughter was born?! Khloe says he tries to prove he’s a different person and changed but her guard is up. He wants to have more babies. (Technically he never said with HER….) He’s such a sleazeball.

Skims shoot. Tracey Romulus (CMO, KKW brands) and Chris Appleton (hairdresser to the stars) are here. Everyone is making Kim more nervous. Kim ran into Pete Davidson at The Met. She said she was nervous for SNL. He said if you can read cue cards you’re good. Scott and Jonathon want to come to SNL. Kourt can’t come. Scott wouldn’t be invited if Kourt was coming without Travis. I want this glam lighting in my house. 

Sarah silverman said what if Kim is asking audience questions in a skit and calls on someone but it’s Kanye in disguise and you know it’s him and he asked “do you believe in second chances in marriages” and Kim said no and moved on. If Dave Chapelle says it’s funny, that’s all Kim needs. They asked her can you sing? no. Dance? no. Act? no. Accents? no. Kim: “like idk what i’m gonna do”. Chris: You made a career out of being yourself. you’re going to kill it. 

Kourt and Khloe and Kourt and Kim at lunch. Khloe is talking about her big vagina at lunch and these guys at the table are next to them staring and listening. Khloe says her Skims bodysuit doesn’t have adequate coverage downstairs and tells Kim it needs to be wider. Kourt clarifies this awkwardly in her confessional and I don’t understand why. 

Kanye and a stylist still send Kim’s clothes? She wants clothes laid out for her each day so all she has to do is put them on. Kanye says he wants to quit everything and dedicate his life to being Kim’s stylist. This is all so hard to watch while knowing what happens with Kaye’s meltdown and Tristan’s additional cheating. Khloe (rightfully) states Kanye should continue to do music and adidas designing instead of quitting everything to style Kim. Kanye has been sending Kim reference images and styling directions since the early 2000s. I think I saw that episode of You. 

Kim just ordered a lot of food. Khloe says “we’re foodies. that’s why we work out the way we do”. 

Kim loves fountain soda.

Skinny onion rings look delicious.

Khloe brings up Scott. Kourt’s eye glazed over. Scott asked Kourt about not being invited and she said your actions need to line up with you wanting to be invited. Mentions the Younes DM drama and says “That’s not really the vibe”. Scott told Kourt that he did it and asked to apologize. Kourt basically says no.

Kourt says for so many years, Scott has gotten away with bad behavior and that’s not going to continue. Khloe says she can be the bad guy if Kourt doesnt want. Kourt adamantly says no and basically that they dont have to tell him everything or invite him to anything. Calls travis “the love of her life”. Seems like she’s being extra mean since she’s the one happy and in love and now he has to deal with that PLUS not being invited to be around the only family he has. Not that he’s innocent but still.

Everyone is at Kim’s house. We see her giant bed. Kris says her room always smells good. Kim is SNL packing. Everything is black. Marty calls. It’s her attny. Patching tracy in. And Kris is there AND the sisters AND on speaker phone AND filming. So super confidential legal call. There are threats that there is more footage about the OG sex tape. Ray J’s manager says he has a sex tape. Kim is 99.9% sure there is no other tape. This is supposedly unreleased footage. 

Has kims hairline been altered? It looks lower in this pony. 

Khloe says its a good omen to talk about kim’s sex tape in the first season bc that’s what happend last time. 

Tracy says what if it’s new tape? Kim says “Look I’m 99% sure there’s no tape but they keep saying they have a tape so what if I was asleep and he stuck a dildo up my ass I don’t know!” OMG I’m dead. And then Khloe under her breath says “I would hope you would wake up from that”. OMG OMG OMG. 

Kim says “Have Marty scare the shit out of this guy” and follows it with “I’ll sue for nominal damages. The message is more important than the dollars at this point.” Girl! Putting that law degree to work!

Kim calls Kanye. Ironically starts crying ugly cry face while talking about the pop up on roblox about her ugly cry face. You can’t hear Kanye on the phone. This is the first phone call we’ve had where you couldn’t hear the voice on the other side. Interesting.

Kanye told kim nothing will cancel her. Marty calls back. Kim puts her foot down “I know the right attorneys this time, I know exactly what to do this time, I’m not going to let this happen to me again. I have all the time, money, and resources to burn them all to the f*cking ground.”

And…. scene….

This season on the Kardashians…  Ok here’s the promo for the rest of the season…

We see Kanye for the first time. An amazing closet. SNL promo. Pete kiss! OMG Scott calls him “big c*ck mcglock”. Everyone is yelling “oh shit” but it doesn’t sound bad. More exciting? Uh oh. Fire truck. Travis and Kourt want to have a baby. Seen at dr office together. Kourt engagement. Everyone is there. Even more people than we saw in the dinner pics.

Some sort of drama with Scott and Kendall and Kris. Some sort of drama where Khloe is either saying or repeating someone say the f word a lot in whispered tones. Kim is in pink talking about how Kanye flew home and got her something. Pink was all of the SNL NY looks? So is this when he left NYC right before SNL? Not sure if the thing is good or bad. It was in a suitcase. Looks like maybe Kim was the one that told Khloe about Tristan? Idk. The way things can be edited I’m totally speculating. Ends with a freaked out looking Kim saying “Oh my god.”

Ok! That’s it for my Kardashians episode 1 recap. So here are my additional thoughts.

You can tell how much more elevated the budget/vibe is for this show.

The drones and in and out are a lot.

I LOVE the views inside the homes. Totally worth it.

I’m eh on Kourt. I can only watch them make out so much. We don’t know anything ABOUT them. Just that they like PDA. And that’s not a personality. I’m glad they’re happy and want a baby and that she’s been through a lot with Scott, but… eh.

Khloe is tough to watch. I feel bad knowing the Tristan stuff that comes down the line. She’s a good mom and I hope she can find someone who loves her as much as she deserves. Or if she’s happy with True and that’s what she wants, that’s perfect too. Just get rid of Tristan. Ick.

Kim is giving us a lot of access. I like the BTS of the closets and fittings and such. I also feel bad about the Kanye meltdown that’s around the corner. But I’m SO glad this show isn’t her being incredibly serious and only talking about case work. 

It will be interesting to see how they handle the Tristan Kanye stuff. Kanye’s face does appear in the future promo, but that doesn’t mean he’ll ever talk or be featured.

This show jumps around A LOT. I think it shows it’s not as “scripted” as KUWTK, but It felt super choppy and kind of all over the place at times. 

Kendall not being in anything except the one clip saying she had Covid was kind of weird. We know this wasn’t all filmed in a day. So it seems weird she wasn’t in anything.

Same with Kylie. She was in the one “family party” scene, but nothing aside from that.

I thought there was supposed to be more about the businesses in this iteration. It would be cool to see more BTS at Skims and Kylie Cosmetics and Good American, etc.

Do I think this is different than KUWTK? yes and no. I think the vibe is different. I think we’re getting a bit “more”. There’s cursing and a bit more of a candid/raw feel to it. A little less comedic “drama”. More just the actual drama of the real things they’re going through.

Do I think it’s a must watch? No. But do it if you enjoy it.

Do I think you have to watch every KUWTK to understand? No.

Will I continue watching? Yes. Obvi.

Will I continue to recap each week in this way? Maybe. Let me know in the comments if I should!


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